Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
