You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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