I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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