living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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