EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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