my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
another moral hangover. fuck.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
