Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
