You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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