Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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