I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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