$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize