There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
