Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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