her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
