i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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