i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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