I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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