I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
