dude i'm inner monologue high
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just sent this text using only my big toe
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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