Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
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dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
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Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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