idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
