If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
