i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
