Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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