Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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