I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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