Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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