I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
