I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
