That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Randomize
