Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
