I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
