Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
