How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
