he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
