ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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