My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
