hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
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It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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