waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize