Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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