is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
