I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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