onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
