apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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