What did we do last night that was yellow?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
