My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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