My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
