Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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