Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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