I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
