Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
