his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
