I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
