we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
