16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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