possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
