i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
