I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
