Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
