Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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