Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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