My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
