My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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