last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I need a burrito and a hug.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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