I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.