I didn't shave. On purpose
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing