i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.