Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
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You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
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Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line