Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito